History of My World - Part II

I was just sitting on the deck with the laptop, headphones, and a cigarette (yes, quitting is still a goal) trying to get comfortable to start Part II of my financial history. The rain is nice and relaxing; however, it's just too chilly to get comfy outside to focus. Now, I'm snuggled in my bed with blankets and Shamus the Bedtime Whale. That's spelled like Shamu but pronounced like Seamus (an Irish dude's name). The Captain just joined me on the bed, and that can only mean one thing: it's time to get serious about blogging. So without further ado...

Part II: The College Years (mid-1990s; Age 18-22)

Unlike the majority of people I went to high school with, I decided not only to go to college but to go to college and NOT live at home. This without a doubt can be counted as one of the best decisions I have made in my life. It's just one of those things. Being raised to be independent, I needed to get out on my own. I moved out of my parents place, and really, never went back.

College was a fantastic time in my life with many, many personal discoveries and life decisions. Most of the talk of college isn't really appropriate here, and I think that most people that go away to college have similar experiences on some level. It really is about getting out on your own, meeting people, gaining knowledge (both book learning and life learning). Of course, what I'm going to focus on is my financial learning, which save for a hard-earned C in Economics class my senior year is real life learning. Unfortunately, the real learning for me happened in retrospect years later.

Right off the bat, I have to say that NONE of this would have been possible without my parents. My story would have been very, very different had they not made the choices for me that they did. During the early years (discussed yesterday), my parents were socking away money for college for both me and my brother. Having grown up and done the college thing themselves, they knew that my brother and I needed the college fund as well as a college education. I got a small scholarship that paid a portion of my tuition (as long as I maintained a 3.2 average). The rest of everything was paid for by my parents. They told me several times that the didn't want me distracted having to worry about money for school or having a job and wearing myself out. The ultimate goal was for their son to get an education and join the world with no debt from school. I will be forever grateful for this, and I don't think that I really thought about this much during my time at school. Unfortunately, I don't think I fully expressed my appreciation to my parents for their hard work behind the scenes of my education. I'm going to have to rectify this.

Even today, I'm not entirely sure how my parents managed to pay for four years of a private university for me (and my brother). But this is what I do remember. I had offered to take out student loans to help out, but they insisted that I not do that. Instead, they paid my tuition, room, board, books, etc. on their Visa card. It seems kind of insane to do such a thing, but they had a scheme. Their Visa card gave them points for air miles and miscellaneous things, which they needed and used. Then, they paid off the balance in full each month from the college fund, which netted them very few finance charges. Pretty, smart I think.

Anyway, how this relates to me, I really had nothing to worry about financially in my first two years of school. I lived in the dorm and had a meal plan through the university. My parents paid for bills and supplies. And then there was The Credit Card. Given to me again to cover emergency expenses, groceries, trips to Target, and what not. Also, my minuscule savings account from high school had money place in it for when cash was needed. Looking back on it now, this was the perfect set up for me -- had I not been an ungrateful brat at the time.

Quickly I developed abusing schemes involving The Credit Card. The mini Post Office at the local grocery store sold money orders that could be paid for by credit card. I joined a mail order CD club, and paid for my CDs with money orders bought with The Credit Card. Receipts from which were marked as from the grocery store. So, all the parents knew was that I was buying groceries, which was an approved use of The Credit Card. I do believe that sometimes, I'd use The Credit Card to buy groceries for friends in exchange for cash, as well. Eventually, the mini-PO stopped selling money orders on credit cards and that scheme ended.

At the end of my freshman year, I was approached by one of my professors about doing some summer research. Faced with the facts that (1) I didn't want to go back to my parents' house for the summer, (2) I really loved science, and (3) I wanted/needed extra money, this was a win-win-win situation. My parents loved the idea as well, and thus I started spending summers at school working in the lab. During the school year, I got class credit and I was paid in the summers, and I never had to live with my parents again. That first summer, I had to move out of the dorm and into a house with five strangers (I sublet a room from a guy I found on a message board for the summer). I reiterate that this was another great decision. Not only did I gain work experience and stay away from "home", I met one of my best friends of my whole life that first summer. We're still friends to this day. And seeing as how I was living at school for the summer, learning and working, my parents were happy to pay the rent for the summer. My pay check paid for me to do fun things or buy groceries and stuff.

The next year was back into the dorm, and really nothing of too much consequence financially. Other than to say that sophomore year is when the smoking really kicked into high gear. I dabbled at parties and social things my freshman year. But that second year, it was apparent that I was addicted. I'd go out and talk with friends in the 10 minutes between class and smoke. I'd smoke on the way to class, on the way home, on a break from research, and pretty much whenever I got the chance. It never really occurred to me at the time that this could end up being a huge mistake. It was cool, I felt cool, and it was something that my parents definitely would not approve of. The Credit Card was often use to buy cigarettes at the grocery store. I distinctly remember when the price of cigarettes was jacked up in one swoop during college. All of sudden they were $2.50/pack! I thought of quitting, but didn't. Now, $2.50 sounds like nothing as I pay about $6.75/pack now. What a waste.

Moving on, junior year, I moved out of the dorms and into an apartment with friends. My parents thought that since they were paying for the dorm and meal plan and rent and groceries were cheaper that they'd pay for it as well. Looking back, I really was a spoiled brat and didn't appreciate how easy I had it. This makes me sad now, and I wish I could go back in time and kick my own ass. Junior year was also the time when I was introduced to my own credit cards for the first time. Again, the thought was, I'll have a "real job" later and can pay it all off in the future with no problem. I understand that this is a common thought for people, but it's oh so horribly wrong. Nevertheless, I dove head on into consumer debt. By junior year, I was getting regular lectures about the proper use of The Credit Card, and there were many fights between my mother and I on the subject. I was working on not using this card, and since I had several (yes, several) of my own, there wasn't too much of a problem. Quickly, my tiny credit limits were maxed out (~$500-1000 each over 3 or 4 cards), and I was stuck. So, I'd have to use The Credit Card again, which would lead to another lecture/fight. It really was a downward spiral.

And what, you might ask, did a 19/20 year old man-boy buy on credit? I don't even remember. Computer games, porn, clothes, alcohol, cigarettes. NOTHING that I still have now (with the exception of one porn magazine kept for sentimental reasons). That's the awful truth. I got in huge debt for really no good reason, except for the fact that I wanted things.

My senior year was a bit more of the same. I moved to a different apartment with different friends (my friends from the junior year place were no longer my friends after living with them for about 3 months). I kept spending and paying minimums. I started my VHS collection (DVDs were still years away). I had my part-time employment through my major department, which paid for some minimal spending money. My junior year, I got a second part-time job at a local government research lab, and this helped the money in-flow some. But at this point in things, I was already at the point where I was paying everything into the cards and then having to use the cards to buy things.

Unfortunately, I learned nothing about my personal finances during college. It's really only been in the last 6-7 years that I've learned my lesson, and even today, I'm still trying to dig myself out of the mess I created 15 years ago.

After graduation, I decided to move across the country and go to graduate school. My birthday just happened to be around graduation time, so as a combination birthday/graduation present, my parents bought me a car, paid for my move to California, and helped me get settled in my new place. This was all given to me with the explicit words that I was now "on my own". My brother was going to be starting college soon, and he was going to get the same treatment I did. This meant that there was no way they could pay for me. Being 22 years old, I was fine with that.

Now officially on my own, started the third part of my story: graduate school -- a story for another day.

Lessons Learned Part II: The caveat here is that I didn't learn these lessons during this time. It was only on dealing with the future that was created did I learn.

(1) Credit Cards are good, if you can manage them correctly. I thought this was the case and that I just wasn't doing it right.
(2) My parents were awesome, and I was very lucky. I don't think that I really learned this completely until tonight.
(3) Smoking is expensive, but manageable, because it's cool.

Next Up: Part III - Graduate School

History of My World - Part I

One of the things that I really wanted to do with my PF blog was to tell my story. I've had some high points and lots of low points. Mistakes were made. But instead of one really long post, I figured that I'd post in chunks. So, over the next few days, we'll get the history of my world.

Part I: Life in the DelMoniq House (Birth - Age 18)

This will likely be the shortest chunk of history (but cover the most time). Honestly, I don't remember too much about my childhood--good or bad. But we'll see what I can dredge up from the bowels of my brain.

Of course, being a child/teenager, I was under the direct financial influence of my parents and, for the most part, was completely supported by them financially. I'd definitely classify our family as middle-class. I'm not entirely sure what that means in "real people terms" but for me that means we weren't wealthy. We didn't live in a mansion and have servants, but my parents owned our home, and I have no memory of ever lacking any of life's necessities (food, shelter, clothes, etc.). I do remember being embarrassed, because the latent-hippie in my mother would make clothes for us when I was really young.

Ingrained in me from as early as I can remember was the fact that one had to earn his/her own way in life and should never expect things to be simply given to him/her. Well, when you're 10 years old, this is a HUGE bummer, because you don't get an allowance. No matter how hard I begged and presented case after case of friends at school that got allowances, I never got one. My brother and I were told that if we wanted/needed money for things we had to do chores. Different chores had different monetary values, and we could do things around the house to earn the money we needed to go to that movie with our friends, for example. This worked very well except for a few major flaws (most memorably from my high school years). My brother would frequently decide that he didn't really want the money enough to justify what ever chore was expected of him, and he opted not to do the chores. This typically lead to yelling, because for my parents it wasn't so much about teaching their two boys about financial responsibility as it was about them not wanting to do the chores themselves. So, after a while, my mother would talk me into doing whatever chores my brother was supposed to have done. The second major flaw was that my mother never seemed to have cash on hand for payment for said chores (never mind the fact that I was expected to do my brother's chores without compensation). She said that she was keeping a tally of things that I had done around the house and monies that I was owed. Very rarely did she ever pay up. **sigh**

This lead to the very awkward high school job hunt, for me. I remember applying to Burger King, and I actually got an interview. Of course, believing (as my father frequently told me) that the world revolved around me, my interview skills were quite lacking. Turns out that honesty is not always the best policy in job interviews, especially when you say that you want spending money and to get out of the house and away from the parents instead of saying that you really like Burger King burgers and want to be part of the fast food community or some other bullshit.

Eventually, though, I learned (some), and I landed a job at a department store at the mall. Ah yes, the naive, young Okturn folded clothes and such for hours on end, often helping clueless mothers pick out outfits for their teenaged sons that were "about your size". This job was great, because I did make some money and get some real world experience. This included the realization that seasonal help was NOT a long-term part time job and that creepy old men that work at department stores like to hit on younger guys by smacking their asses with hangers.

The downside of the high school job was that I was sucked in to the 25% employee discount (10% off at other stored owned by the same parent company). Nearly all of my pay went back into the coffers of the Dayton-Hudson corporation, and I got some really awesome early-90s fashions for my closet.

This also lead to my first taste of credit cards. Dut-duh-duuuuhh (dramatic music). But to get the full thrust of the credit card talk, we need to dial back a couple years.

Picture it... suburban Chicago, 1992. I'm offered a great opportunity as one of the honor students in the school district to travel Eastern Europe, recently after the fall of the Iron Curtain. It's a great opportunity, and my parents were all for it. Nine cities, six countries, 18 days, no parents. At 16 years old, this is an AWESOME thing (hell at 33 years old, I'd still kill to do this again). This trip introduced something into my life that would last for the next six or seven years -- The Credit Card. I use capital letters instead of just the credit card, because this was not just my introduction to credit cards as a financial concept. This was The Credit Card.

To explain... on top of the trip adviser recommended traverlers cheques, my parents decided that it would be a great idea to give me a Visa card. This card had my name on it, but it was not my own account. No. This card was linked to my mother's Chase account, and with her excellent credit The Credit Card had an unholy credit limit (I wouldn't learn the exact limit until years later, so you'll have to wait as well for that bit). The Credit Card was given basically for emergencies, but they trusted me.

In high school, The Credit Card was never a huge issue. I think, if I remember correctly, I gave The Credit Card back to my mother after the Europe trip. However, the spending habits of my parents that I watched and absorbed throughout the flourishing 1980s and early 90s really was a lesson that in retrospect should not have been learned.

I mentioned that they taught us that we needed to earn our way in life. However, my parents did not practice what they preached. I don't think that my parents over-spent themselves to financial ruin or anything that dramatic. But we always had the latest gadgets and electronics. My parents remodeled every house we ever lived in. And there were frequently new cars and such high ticket items being purchased. Hell, we had internet in our house in 1993! Not many of my friends at the time could say that. We had several computers when most people had none. So, really, instead of completely embracing the "earn your money" lesson, I rather learned that really, anyone could get whatever he/she wanted as long as he/she had a little piece of plastic and promised to pay for it later.

One non-financial lesson from my early years (that has direct bearing on my financial life now) was how to be self-sufficient, independent, and take care of myself. I guess that's three ways of saying the same thing, really. But seriously, by the time I was leaving home for college, I was cooking dinner for myself, if not the whole family, several nights per week. Doing my own laundry and caring for my younger brother on my own. Well, I had been de facto babysitter for my brother since I was 12. Some people that I've shared more personal details about my young life have said that this is a result of bad parenting or lazy parenting. I've even been told that my parents shouldn't have had children. I can't say that I completely disagree with that assessment, but my parents' parenting is not what this is about. The end result, and I'm glad this is how my life was (now), is that I'm a rather independent person for the most part. I may not like doing "grown-up" things, but I know what to do and how to get things done without relying on my parents. And that is definitely a good thing.

Lessons Learned in Part I:
(1) Earn your way in life; don't expect to be handed money/things.
(2) Credit cards are good (although the full thrust of this lesson had yet to hit home for me).
(3) Independence.
(4) My parents favored my brother over me (whether this is real or imagined is subject of debate, but this is from MY perspective).

Next up: Part II - The College Years