This is not a catch or creative title.

Yes, before you say anything... I realize that I have fallen off the face of the earth for a few months. It happens. Im sorry. Moving on.

I had hoped to get motivated enough to do my taxes this weekend, but alas, Ally McBeal DVDs and my couch won out over the 1040.

Sidenote: WOW. Finding that link made me very glad that I bought this DVD set when I did. At $129, it came in under my Three Cents per Minute Rule. Now, it is listed on Amazon for $182.49! Good job, Okturn!

Anyway, I have mentioned before that one of my good friends at work was fired last fall. Well, recently he found a new job. Unfortunately (for me, fortunately for him), his new job is in another state. Inspired by my moving road trip with SS4BC, he asked me to help him move, which will entail driving down with him and his wife and then flying back home on my own. His new job is giving him $2500 for moving expenses, which is awesome! I talked with him today about being concerned about expenses on the road trip, and he said that the new job would reimburse him for stuff up to the $2500. And until that second, I had not thought that was how that would work. In my mind, they gave him $2500. Hmm.

Of course, being as self-centered as I am, I turned this inward and became worried that when I find a job, I am not going to have the money to pay for the move up front. UGH. Seriously, right now, my big financial concern is scraping together enough cash for a plane ticket and rental car for getting to a conference in March for work. I will get reimbursed for the travel, but I have to pay for it all up front.

Basically, I need to be saving a lot more than I am now. Sadly, I have not put money into my savings account in months. Winter is expensive in New England. My utility bills were about double (maybe triple, but I dont know the numbers off the top of my head right now) what they are in the summer, because of the damn heat.

Anyway, my savings amounts to a measly $300ish right now. Really not enough for any type of emergency, except for an emergency trip to the grocery store. It makes me mad that, once again, I have fallen out of habit with one of my projects (here being this blog and diligently managing my money). The irony is not lost on me that when I stopped regularly writing in the blog is when I stopped paying attention to my money and really have no extra anywhere.

Really, my fear now is that I am going to find the perfect awesome position somewhere next year and not be able to afford to move to the new job. How stupid is that? Anyway, this has lit a mild fire under my lazy ass to get back into financial shape. And get myself to where I am not scared of my account balances.

The upshot of this spring is that with any luck I wont owe any taxes for 2009, and there may even be a small refund (which will go directly to my outstanding 2008 tax balance). The 2008 taxes will get paid off by this summer, or I will have to kill myself. And once that is done, the $250-400/month that I was paying the IRS can go into savings, and I may be able to breathe again. I have yet to actually sit down and figure out if that is actually numerically possible. But I hope to get to my taxes this week, and I will write a post all about that. And hopefully, I will have some updated goals for 2010 and perhaps some updated status bars.

**sigh**

I must be more proactive and less reactive. But really, I want to be less terrified about the future, so that I can actually start looking for a job and get out of this hell hole.

Okay. So, I caved.

Mother nature had it in for me today. It is so frakking hot today; I feel like I'm going to die.

Everything was fine at work and in the car on the way home. Of course, those places have air conditioning. I got home and opened the door of my apartment to be hit with balls deep heat, right in the face. I looked at the thermostat... 90oF! And that's a minimum, because the little red needle was pegged all the way up! I laid down on the bed for a while in front of the fan, but that didn't help. So, I tried my old college remedy for when we had that heat wave/black out and the temps were over 110oF in the shade. I took a hot shower, which (in theory) would cool me off when I got out of the steam by evaporating the water off my body. Well, it worked... for about five minutes. Then, I was just sweaty again.

So, I did what I had sworn never to do. I turned on the central air conditioning. I closed the windows and made sure that the vents were uncovered (meaning, I had to move my bed). I positioned my two window fans over the vents in the living room to help move the cooler air around more. But damn! It is just too damn hot!

I'm hoping that this doesn't kill my electric bill for August, and I'm hoping that this doesn't become a regular thing. My plan is to run the air conditioning just long enough to get the heat out of here and have it cooler outside. Then, I can go back to normal box-fan only mode at night. But I'm worried that the heat will just continue, and I'll have to run the a/c all the time so the cat won't melt to death during the day.

It's hot as BALLS in here!

Summer has "officially" (finally?) arrived in the shitty state of Connecticut. And it is balls-sticking-to-your-thigh HOT. I'd complain about the humidity too, but growing up in the south has pretty much desensitized me to humidity.

So, I'm having a crisis and a battle of wills with myself (myselves?). My apartment has central air conditioning. I've never had an apartment with central air before, so I know that I don't need it. I also know that running the bloody thing will drive my electric bill through the roof. These two things are what's keeping me from turning it on. I've promised myself that I wouldn't ever turn it on, because I know how horrible my bills could get (or I fear how high they would be).

But still, sitting here at dusk in a pool of my own sweat, I'm tempted to turn the frakker on. Last night, I rearranged my bedroom furniture so that my bed could be by the window with the fan blowing directly on me. It helped some, but I still yearned for the dry frostiness of the central air.

I think I may need to break down and turn it on when Dr. Faith comes to visit. But I fear that I won't be able to make myself turn it off when she leaves.

Oh but it would be so nice not to be sweaty and gross all the time I'm at home.

**sigh**

One day, I'll be financially stable enough that I won't have to worry about spiking my electric bill in the summer and my gas bill in the winter.