Worried for the Future

It has been a while since I have posted anything, and I am sorry for that. Lots has been going on. But first I have to say that over the weekend, I spilled grape soda on my laptop. Everything is fine and not sticky. However, the apostrophe key was a casualty of my clumsiness. So bear with me if my contractions looks stupid, and Ill try not to quote anything. I have an external keyboard, but I didnt feel like hooking it up.

Anyway, as for the lots happening... One of my best friends here -- a coworker of mine -- was fired. UGH. The whole thing doesnt make any sense, and no one understands what the boss was thinking. Hes a graduate student, and what this essentially means is that he has been kicked out of school. The reasoning -- the boss doesnt think that he will accomplish enough to graduate in a soon enough time frame. Given that he has a max of three years left (plenty of time, in my opinion), this is pretty much a slap in the face.

Needless to say tensions were running high in lab today. And, as apparently the go-to guy in lab, people were coming to me expressing worry for their own positions. Basically, now everyone is worried that if he/she doesnt get enough results in enough time (enough being an arbitrary and subjective quantity defined by the boss) that he/she will be fired (or kicked out of school). Its ludicrous! This is really NOT the tone she needs to set for the lab. But whatever, its done. My friend will be out of work in a couple weeks and will most likely be moving out of state before Christmas.

This is especially mind bottling (yes, I said that on purpose. See Blades of Glory.) in light of the fact that this summer, she took on a new graduate student, and she is seriously a waste of space. Its going to be interesting, as she is presenting for lab meeting this week.

I am just seriously pissed at all of this. And I am dying to know the bosss side of things. Part of me thinks that I can get away with talking to her about it by coming at it from the point of view of the person who will be in her position and wanting to know how she came to this decision. I really will need to know how to know when to cut a graduate student out. But I dont know if shell tell me anything or not. I think that Im just going to wait until my next scheduled one-on-one meeting with the boss next week.

Of course, having been fired from a job for not bringing in enough results, I know how my friend feels, and of course, I too am worried about my job here. I know that the boss has told me in the past NOT to worry about my job and that other people would be let go before me, if need be. But still Im worried. And I would start applying for jobs now, if I had ANY chance of being able to get one. Alas, it comes down to getting results. And while, Ive worked my ass off in this lab, I only have one publication from my nearly 4 years here. Thats not enough. Mostly, this is because my original project was a bust, and I spent 2.5 years or so on it trying to get it to work. Its only been in the last year that Ive had something going that was literally crapping results. Ive just been working on getting a story together. If all goes well, Ill have something written up by the end of the year.

Anyway, I digress.

All this worry has me thinking tonight about where Id like to go. I have an idea job in mind. Of course, I think Id like to be a PI and run my own lab. But when it comes down to it, I dont think thats what Id really like to do. I LOVE doing science. Sure, I have ideas, and I can write about science. But the more I realize what my PIs have done and are doing, the less I actually WANT that job. I like getting my hands dirty in the trenches. I like working one-on-one with students in the lab and teaching lab skills and DOING experiments.

On the other side of the coin is my good buddy, SS4BC. She loves going to conferences, talking to people, networking, writing grants, and such. Sure, shes a fabulous chemist and a great experimentalist. But she was BORN to be a PI. And she has great ideas, and I know that shell do great things with them. And half-jokingly, half-seriously, weve talked about working together. I think that as a team, wed be UNSTOPPABLE. Can we make this work? Is she as serious about it as I am? I dont know. I think that our timing may just work out.

Shes on track to be done with her current position in two years, and shell be looking for faculty positions during that time. So, in theory, shell be on her own by Fall 2011. Given how much slower my experiments are than hers (seriously, Ive been prepping for my big experiment since June and its going to take about 6-8 months to DO the experiment), Ill probably be job-ready about the time she starts a faculty position. Hmmm. This could work.

So, what I was thinking about tonight was this: in an idea world, where would I want to live and settle down? And being the map-geek that I am, I made a color coded map to indicate my preferences.




Its color coded from Green to Red (Most to Least Desirable, respectively). Blue falls in the middle. Yeah, Im sure it looks a bit odd to most people, but Ive got my reasons. Do you live an Okturn-Desired area? What do you think? Am I being too judgmental? Im not saying that Id ONLY look for jobs in Seattle, San Francisco, Los Angeles, and San Diego. Im just saying that if two identical jobs were offered in LA or New Jersey, Id take the job in LA. If the perfect job for me is in Montana, so be it. But Id like to stay in more greener pastures (so to speak).

Anyway, it breaks down like this... Living in CT has taught me that (1) I HATE Winter and (2) I HATE New England. So, places guaranteed snow...OUT. (except for NYC, because its a big city and I wouldnt have to drive). Im a CA boy at heart, and I LOVE SoCal and San Francisco. Ive got friends in SoCal Seattle, Georgia, Florida, South Texas, and family in Kansas and Arkansas, and it would be nice to be closer to them. Pretty much the rest is weather based or based on some arbitrary idea that I have about the area.